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Explore recommended strategies for preparing your children for divorce and supporting them throughout the divorce process and after.
Divorce is tough on families, and it gets even harder when kids are involved. The way parents talk to their children about it — and the support they offer during and after the split — shapes how kids cope. Sticking to routines, giving plenty of reassurance, and working together as parents can make all the difference. When parents keep the peace and show a united front, kids feel safer and less caught in the middle, which helps them weather the changes without as much emotional fallout.
Here’s what tends to help most, based on research and what child therapists recommend:
- Tell Them Together (If Possible) If it’s safe and you’re able, both parents should be present for the first conversation. That helps send the message that you’re still a team when it comes to them.
- Keep It Simple and Age-Appropriate Kids don’t need all the details. Use language that matches their age. For younger children, “We are going to live in different houses, but we both love you very much.” For older kids, you can share a bit more, but still avoid blaming or oversharing.
- Reassure, Reassure, Reassure Be clear that the divorce is not their fault, that both parents love them, and that you’ll both still be there for them. Kids often worry they caused the split, so you might need to repeat this.
- Prepare for Lots of Questions (Even Weeks Later) Kids process things in waves. They might seem fine at first, then bring it up again later. Answer honestly, but don’t badmouth the other parent or share adult problems.
- Talk About What Will Change — And What Won’t Let them know the practical details: where they’ll live, when they’ll see each parent, what will stay the same. Uncertainty is scary, so the more you can tell them, the better.
- Validate Their Feelings Let them know it’s okay to feel sad, angry, or confused. You can say, “It’s normal to feel lots of things about this. I’m here if you want to talk.”
- Keep Routines Where You Can Routines help kids feel safe. Even if some things are changing, try to keep bedtime, meals, and other regular activities steady.
- Get Extra Support if Needed Some kids benefit from talking to a counselor or therapist, especially if you notice big changes in mood, sleep, or behavior.
What Not to Do:
- Don’t use your child as a messenger or spy.
- Don’t confide adult problems in them.
- Don’t fight in front of them if you can help it.
If you are considering a divorce, our experienced paralegals at NJ Affordable Divorce will navigate your entire divorce process with professionalism and efficiency. We will facilitate the preparation of all necessary documents and provide comprehensive, step-by-step guidance through the completion of your divorce proceedings. CALL 800-875-0785